As she drove down the highway with her teenage daughter sleeping in the passenger seat, tears stream down her cheeks. She cried in silence wondering how it got to this point. She thought things would have been different this time, but the fact she was driving alone on their trip, was a sure sign that something was wrong.
She replayed the morning‘ events over and over in her mind. The morning to leave for vacation. She was stressed with the planning, stressed about the drive, stressed over the hope that everyone would have fun and she snapped at her spouse. A scenario that many have experienced. But she did not understand his reaction.
As she and her daughter loaded their bags in the car, she told her daughter “no, he’s not going with us.” Her daughter could see her hurt and didn’t say another word.
As she drove for hours, trying to make sense of how they got to this point. Her hope for the vacation was to bond and reconnect, but that would not happen.
She always believed things happen for a reason. Some things don’t make sense, but she would put her trust in God that things would work out for the best. But her thoughts kept circling around “What if this is just another of my mistakes that God has to fix.”
During quiet time on her trip she wrote “Will I ever have a successful marriage? Or am I here to be the ‘crash test dummy’ for marriage? In some ways we fit together and in other ways, not at all. What if there isn’t the perfect fit for me? How do you know? Other people have found the fit and stayed together forever, why not me? Am I broken?”
The story above hit close to home for me. I’ve been there with the same questions, the same feeling of brokenness, and the same loneliness as she felt. And when you live in that cycle for years, it feels impossible to break.
But I am here to tell you, YOU CAN DO IT!
I read a book by MaryAnn DiMarco, and one thing she said was “If you don’t love yourself, you will rely on other people to feed your soul.”
I would take it a step further and say “you will rely on the wrong people to feed your soul.” In the story above, she was not broken, but instead, she didn’t love herself. She didn’t see herself worthy of love. Maybe if she could fix the relationship, he would tell her she was worthy of love. Or maybe if she would just put more effort into being there for him, maybe she would be worthy of love.
Over the years, I have heard stories from many people who have broken marriages. In most cases, you will find at least one, if not both, of the participants in that marriage do not understand they have to love themselves in order to have a deep love with one another.
If you do not love yourself, how do you expect someone else to love you?
If I were to tell you “You are awesome,” what would your first reaction be? Would you smile and agree with me or would you look down and feel doubt or say “No, I am not”?
This world takes all kinds of people to make it work. Each of us play our unique role. God made us and he does not make mistakes. You are awesome and you are worthy of much love!
Sometimes in my life I let circumstances change me. Surrounding myself with a lot of negativity or surrounding myself with people who want to manipulate or control me. I’d let this change me from who I know I am deep inside. I had to recognize it and take the steps to change it.
If you find yourself in this type of spot, change what you can today. If you want to be surrounded by love and positivity, be that and you will find it is a magnet for others that are the same.
If you struggle with loving yourself, begin with some simple affirmations. Some examples of affirmations I’d encourage you to say are below. Start your day with saying a few of these to yourself. Write them down ten times in a notebook or look into your eyes in a mirror while saying them.
I love and accept of myself.
I am worthy of love and joy.
I am a unique and beautiful soul.
My life is a gift and I am thankful for my blessings.
All I seek is already within me.
I will surround myself with positive people who will help bring the best out in me.
I love myself and who I am.
I am worthy of love.
It may sound silly to some, but if you can look at someone else in the eyes and say I love you, why can’t you do that to yourself? You can!
Sending peace, love and joy to you my friend. Sam