“Accept no excuses: Stop with the BS and be truthful with yourself, admit your flaws rather than defending them; look in the mirror and talk to yourself honestly.” -- Louise Hay
Wow! That is a statement. I have an app that sends me inspirational messages each day… although I am not sure I felt inspired by this one. I woke up to this one morning and it made me stop and think.
What was your reaction when you read it? Mine initially was to start defending (ha). It is very hard to look at yourself objectively, but so important to do when you are trying to get to a better spot in your life.
It is very easy to fall into the ‘victim’ mentality. When you are in a situation where you feel someone said or did something wrong to you, it is very hard to look at the situation without wanting to defend your actions. This is something I used to struggle with all the time, but I am getting better at it now.
Now, before I go any further, this is not talking about a physically or mentally abusive relationship. If you have suffered through an abusive relationship, then I hope you have found the help needed to process and heal, but most importantly, I hope you have found your strength to walk away and be free.
One of my examples of this is with my kids. I am a good mom, I love my kids dearly, and honestly, spoil them too much! My kids are stubborn, independent, strong minded, competitive, but have gentle hearts. Of course, as their mom, I think they are great, but in a past relationship with someone who had no biological ties to them, I was criticized for the way I disciplined/raised them. And with this person, he knew that was a trigger point for me.
Being honest with myself, I haven’t done everything right with my kids. There are times I look back and wished I had handled stuff differently, being stricter, maybe not as lenient, but the past is the past. I can’t change that now, and I am confident that my kids will do well in this world.
One evening I came home from work to find my child, sitting on the sidewalk with two other friends, while the local police were searching the car they had been sitting in. For those parents who have not had to deal with teenagers and illegal drug, be thankful! It is exhausting, draining, and very, very scary.
In this situation, my child did not get in any trouble with the police, we just had some conversations of the dos and don’ts and the ‘what will happen next time.’ Now to add to this, I knew the person who called the police on my child, the call came from within my home, and needless to say, I was furious. I would say I’ve lost my temper just a handful of times in my life and this was one. I knew this was meant to hurt me and I couldn’t look at this situation honestly.
The bad part of this was, I did have a problem with my child, she was doing stuff she should not have been doing. I couldn’t see how I played a part in this by not being strict or forceful enough for her. But I could not see past being the victim in this situation. It wasn’t my child’s fault or her friends, it was the other person who called the police to hurt me.
I wasn’t being honest with myself. Maybe the call was for the wrong reason, but there really was a problem. My kid wasn’t innocent, I knew that, but I didn’t want to face it, I just defended it.
How many times does something happen and your immediate reaction is to defend, to put blame on someone else, to judge them, or make them feel bad so it turns the mirror away from yourself? To be honest, I was at a loss on what to do with my kid at this time. This was the beginning of a divorce, things were getting progressively worse with her, and by getting mad at him, it took the spotlight off of me so I wouldn’t feel so bad by not handling this problem as I should have. Not saying I have all the answers, you can’t control another human, but I should have been stronger for her.
There needs to be a balance. You need to be honest with yourself, but you can’t beat yourself up. Once I got to a better place in my head, I could look at things more clearly. I was able to forgive myself for what I didn’t do and let it go. I have promised myself to do my best to be honest with me, to admit my flaws, and to do my best to improve them, to improve me. I don’t believe you are ever ‘too old’ to change. I want to be the best me I can be today.
SO, no more excuses! Stop with the BS and be truthful with yourself. Admit your flaws rather than defending them; look in the mirror and talk to yourself honestly. What are the areas you can improve? Don’t beat yourself up over them, just get a game plan to change. Once you make yourself aware of the behavior, you will notice it as it is happening. When you recognize yourself being in this behavior; stop, forgive the thought, and do better.
We are put on this earth to grow and evolve. I don’t want to live in a drama filled world. I want love and happiness in my world. Yes, we go through good and bad times, but I want to be the best person I can be and hopefully be a light and inspire others to do the same.
Sending peace, love and joy to you my friend! Sam