As I have posted in the past, my biological mom (bio-mom) left me when I was 5 years old. Fortunately, I have a God-given mom that has taken care of me and is a wonderful woman. But a while ago, we had a death in the family that brought people back in my life who knew bio-mom. Come to find out, she had lived near me all my life, but we didn’t hear from her. This brought up feeling and I wanted to know WHY. Why did she walk away from 4 kids, why did she never reach out, why does she not want to see me now, why, why, why. I tried to reach out, but no response. It was driving me crazy.
Another story, a friend of mine was dealing with relationship issues. He had dated a few girls since his divorce, some more serious than others, and when the relationship fizzled out or ended, he wants to know WHY. Why did she decide to walk away, why did she act ‘that way’, why did it not work, why, why, why...
Why is the WHY so important? If you think about it, there are few instances where the WHY is truly important to know. Other times, you are asking someone ‘why do you not like me’ or ‘why did you leave me’ or ‘why do you not love me anymore’ and the answers to these questions, more often than not, will not make us feel good about ourselves. Because of these answers, we are allowing others to judge us; we are ASKING others to judge us. I don’t know about you, but I do a good enough job of that myself, I don’t need others to add to it.
Another point that comes to mind, have you ever had someone ask you a ‘why’ question and you could not put into words your ‘why’? Sometimes we don’t know why a relationship is not right, or why we do what we do, it is more of a feeling that something is just not right, your intuition. A friend shared the other day he’d been in a relationship for a year with someone but just never felt he loved her. Great girl, they had fun, but something just wasn’t right. Sometimes we put pressure on ourselves or others for an answer when there just isn’t one.
Letting go of the need to know ‘why’ can be hard, but it is important to do. You know you! And if you work on being the best person you can be, and loving yourself, the ‘why’ is less important. There are times in my life I became someone I was not proud of. I let other people's thoughts and opinions of me affect who I was; not blaming them, I did the changing, I was in control, but I listened to other’s ‘why’ and I let it change me. It’s important to know yourself and own who you are.
So the next time you find you are focused on the ‘why’, ask yourself, ‘Is the why important?’ In most cases you will find it is not, and if it is not a simple answer, let it go. Many times I’ve questioned ‘why’ I have divorced twice; why me, why do I choose who I choose, why can’t I make it work, why, why, why. But, then I look at where I am today, here with you, telling my story, helping others see they are not alone, encouraging others to heal, and seeing how you are helping me heal too. Me being here today is confirmation that the why was not important. The past is the past, today is a new day, and my future will be filled with much happiest, peace and love.
Let go of the WHY, focus on being the best you you can be today, and work towards your future happiness. It will be a life changer.
Sending peace, love and joy to you. Sam