There is a country song that makes me giggle every time I hear the chorus. It is a song by Miranda Lambert called Mama’s Broken Heart. I grew up in a house of girls with one brother (poor boy). And there were many times that ‘crazy’ was an understatement for the emotional chaos in our home. The chorus of the song is:
Go and fix your make up girl it's, just a break up Run an' hide your crazy and start actin' like a lady 'cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together even when you fall apart, But this ain't my mama's broken heart
It’s telling her to hide her crazy and start acting like a lady. When I hear this I not only think of growing up but also raising my daughters as teenagers. As women, we have to deal with some crazy emotions at time, some that we can control and others we can’t seem to get a handle on.
The song talks about someone else telling her how she should act or respond to her situation. Even though I like the song, and I giggle at the lyrics, I do not believe in this at all. Each of us need to find our own way to deal with our crazy or chaos in our lives. When going through a separation or divorce, the emotions can be all over the board; how am I going to do this alone, how will I share my kids, what will be said when I’m not around, what will people think of me, how will I handle seeing my ex with another, how will my ex respond if I find another, how will my kids respond to someone new, and so on. There are so many things that ran through my head and still do.
One thing that has help me make sense of things is the Serenity Prayer. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
This is a prayer I learned when I was young as my family went through a life changing event and it has always stuck with me. This has been one of the biggest tools that has helped me through many things in life. And if you analyse your situation with this thought process, it will help to put your mind at ease. Let’s talk through this.
#1 - Accept the thing I cannot change. When you start stressing or worrying about something, ask yourself if you have any control to change what is happening. Now, I am not talking about controlling by manipulating someone or wanting you to think you can ‘change someone’ because neither of these are truly in your control. If you cannot change it, you can only control how you deal with it. Choose how you want to respond, keep reminding yourself this is out of your control and you will focus on what you can change.
#2 - Courage to change the things I can. This one can be tough, but you have the courage to make the change you need. Stop and think through the best action to make the change that is needed. Do what is best for you, thinking with a kind, loving heart.
#3 - Wisdom to know the difference. The wisdom part comes from within. If you listen to your heart, you will find the answer. There are times when it is hard to hear, but if you find a quiet place, just sit for 5-10 minutes, take a few deep breaths to clear your head and just sit and recognize the thoughts you have. If the thought is negative, stop and say out loud, “I release this negative thought and I choose positive.” This is a very good practice to get into. It helps to clear your head. Bottom line, you know you. You need to find your way to process whatever you are going through. But if you can that a breath, and think through your reaction before a quick response, you will save yourself some stress and worry.
As you learn to sort your emotions and let go of the ones you cannot control, it will make a difference in your world and provide some relief from the crazy. You will find your courage will get stronger as you use it more to effect positive change in your world.
Sending peace, love and joy to you! Sam