Finding people in this world that you trust is very important to each of us. Whether it is a family member who has always had your back or that best friend who has helped you through the crazy in your life, finding someone you can trust helps us to feel secure.
I came across a message the other day from Brene Brown talking about trust. The acronym she uses to define trust is BRAVING.
B = Boundaries - you respect my boundaries, and when you are unclear about what is okay or not, you ask.
R = Reliability - you do what you say you will do.
A = Accountability - you own your mistakes, apologize, and make amends.
V = Vault - you don’t share information or experiences that are not yours to share.
I = Integrity - you choose what is right over what is fun, fast, and easy.
N = Non-judgement - we can talk about how we feel with no judgement.
G = Generosity - you extend the most generous interpretation of what is possible to the intentions, words, and actions of others.
I like Brene’s definition of TRUST, but as she explained this in her message, she said something that made me stop and think.
When she spoke about the VAULT, she spoke about keeping a secret. If a trusted friend shared with me something that is happening in their life, I do not share with others, I will keep that in confidence. But Brene took it a step further which is what made me stop.
Have you ever shared someone else’s story to gain trust from another person?
An example that comes to mind for me is, I used to work for a boss that always wanted to know what was happening with people in the company. He would question “what are you hearing” or would ask specifically what is happening with someone else, in other words, wanting the scope or gossip. In an effort to gain trust with my boss, I would often share information that I had heard or knew not thinking about the trust that I was breaking.
I would never share what my closest friends or family would say, to me that would be breaking trust, but in this case, I was willing to share a story of a co-worker that wasn’t mine to help ‘gain’ trust of another. As Brene explained, this is breaking trust with those who story you shared, as well as, subliminally breaking trust with the one you’re sharing with.
There is a balance in all of this, what is okay to share and what is not, what you should share for someone’s safety or well-being, but using another’s story for self gain is the wrong way to earn trust.
Do you feel you are a trustworthy person? Have you ever shared someone else’s story to gain another person’s trust? Be true to you and hold other people’s stories with the same respect that you want them to treat yours.
Sending peace, love and joy to you my friend. Sam