When you live in the cycle of feeling broken and lonely, it may feel impossible to break. But I am here to tell you, YOU CAN DO IT!
When I hit rock bottom, I searched for how to be happy and what changes I could make in me. You see, my bottom was during divorce number two. I always tried to be a good person, I love my family, lived for my kids, and tried my best to be there for everyone. But for some reason, I couldn’t make a marriage work.
I could have looked outside of me, blaming who I had married, claiming it to be all their fault. Or I could turn that around and take total blame saying it was all my fault, but neither of those were correct. I had my hurts or scars, from relationships over the years, or as many label it, my baggage. And I carried that with me and was pretty comfortable with the weight. I continued to add on, and like a security blanket, I did not want to let that go. I was the victim, and I had the baggage to prove it.
As I sat on rock bottom, I could only look up. I wanted a new life, something happy, filled with love and peace, you know, the fairy tale you see in the Disney movies or that you dream of as a child. And as I have done my whole life when I was hurting, I turned to God.
As I prayed, I would ask why me, why is this happening? Do I not deserve? Am I not worthy? Why are you testing me over and over? I was the victim and I wanted God to explain why.