There have been many things I have done in my life I wish I could go back and do differently. Some things were minor conversation blunders, while others had life changing impact.
It seems to be easy to look at others and judge, to find their faults and assign blame for what has gone wrong. But, it is very important for each of us to look at the situation and own what we did to contribute to what went wrong… and forgive everyone involved including yourself.
It can be difficult to be honest with yourself, but I have learned, it is important for healing or letting go of the past. In most relationships, it takes two to make it work or not work. There are times the scales can tip towards one person or the other, but each person plays their role.
Forgiveness can be difficult to do, but if you forgive, it will alter your life and give you peace.
During a past relationship, I allowed myself to become someone I was not proud of. Now, I can make all the excuses I want to try to justify my actions, but bottom line, I was wrong, I made a choice that hurt my marriage. I allowed myself to become someone I did not like.
Even though, I got my head on straight and started being the person I should be, I carried this with me for years. Punishing myself for what I did wrong. I asked for forgiveness from others, but did not forgive myself for a long, long time.
Carrying something around that you did wrong, can eat at you and hurt you over and over. I found out how important is was to process and forgive myself.
Forgiving yourself is the same process as with others. One example that was shared with me was, talk to yourself as you would talk to your child or a dear friend. If that person shared the mistake with you, what would you say to encourage them to let go of the past, forgive themselves, and move forward. I know I would speak with love and kindness to them.
Now, if in order to forgive yourself you feel you need to talk with those you hurt by your actions, then talk to them and ask their forgiveness. But if that is not in your best interest, or if it is going to put you in harms-way, just work within yourself. Write a letter to the other person, even if you never send it or shred it after writing, it can help with processing, healing and letting go. Be honest, own your actions, and speak those loving and kind words to forgive yourself for your imperfections in the past.
At some point, we all need to accept the past is the past. Do what you can do to amend your mistakes, but it’s time to turn the page and accept your actions as part of your story. The good and the bad make us who we are today. Learning from those experiences, even if you are not proud of them, allows you to move on and truly forgive yourself.
We each go through stages in our lives, I definitely see that now at my age. I’ve laughed at times when I speak to my children as I realize I sound like my mom. I try to share what I have learned in hopes that it will save them some heartache, but then I see them heading down the path anyway. I remember when I was young and my mom trying to do the same thing. We each have a path and we make our choices to walk down that road.
I am imperfect, I am vulnerable, I am enough, I am worthy of love, kindness, and FORGIVENESS of my past. Forgiving yourself and others will help you find PEACE in your world.
You are imperfect, you are vulnerable, you are enough, you are worthy of love, kindness, and YOU ARE WORTHY OF FORGIVENESS! Do the work and find peace through forgiveness.
Sending peace, love and joy to you! Sam